I spent three years here.  Three years of struggling hard.  I felt like chrysalis. In three years I hardly felt any people welcome me well. In those three years, my efforts was not appreciated well. They don’t think I am good enough.

In the beginning I was underestimate by the church member.  I admit that I was so nervous.  From a small church to a much bigger one.  From around 20s to more than 100.  It was a big change.  Cibinong Kota is quite rural compared to Klender.  I was not so comfortable in the beginning.  My outfit was not fit, as well as my happiness. Each sabbath day, I choose to go home directly after the sermon by taxi than stay for youth program etcetera.

As time goes, I found that I could suited better among the youth.  I always thought that I will be good among the children, because I have the talent, but no chances was given to me.  Children Ministries department never asked of my contribution.  I then given responsibility to be the coordinator for women ministries on the second and third year of the service ~~which, fortunately nothing to do with potluck~~ Not so many thing I ever done to that capacity.

The church has much of its own conflict.  When the Women Ministries’ coordinator asked me to coach the women choir, I just agreed to do so as a sincere service. Unfortunately, when the choir went well, the women enjoy it, uniforms settle, and everybody seems happy, problems arises. The women’s choir prohibited to sing a particular song, food were not saved for choir’ participants and so. I myself got a critics for I was wearing trouser to midweek prayer meeting ~~which, in many churches in Jakarta was not a big deal~~ Conflict between church member then appeared more real.

As always, I tried hard to be neutral, but many times it is hard to do.  Particularly when the finger pointed to me.  I had to admit that I struggled a lot of being neutral.

Some church members are too much trying my nerves.  Once, they practice their vocal group with me as the pianist.  I had to go far from my house to attend the practice hour on Wednesday and Friday.  But then, on Sabbath day, they appoint somebody else as their pianist.  Without even bother to notify me on the change.  I knew about the change when they perform.  It happen several times and made my husband angry.

Many times, one of young people avoid to put me on any youth program but non-clear reason.  Then music coordinator take my talents for granted.  She never put me on the pianist schedule and doesn’t care that I was the only person available to play on every wednesday meeting.

Those problem made me angry of course.  But more to it, I learned to be calm, naturally smile whatever problems might arise around me.  I couldn’t say that the church members impressed on my efforts, but I believe a good environment is not something I could create on.  It is absolutely in the hands of the church members.  I am a passer-by, will move to another place in a year or two.  But, they stay there forever. It is their choice.

What happened after we left then proved my theory.  The choir was still a problem for many people think they are the most competent person to be the conductor, or to be the director. Some of trusted church member left because they felt uncomfortable with the conflicts.  For two or three years after we left, we heard a different negative things.

The last year of our service there, I serve as the English Service Sabbath School class teacher.


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